Letter Series Take Two

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Dear Serendipity,
I just want to say thanks. Thanks for making the Eddie Izzard at Union Square Theater during the week of March 1st too expensive for me to buy. And thanks even more for making the Izzard show at RADIO CITY music hall not only 1/3 of the price I was expecting, but also the day after my 22nd birthday. The utter disappoint I faced earlier in the month is not even comparable to the joy and rapture I’m currently experiencing.
Yours in Faith and Karma,
Really Excited Mega Fan Girl

Dear Black Velvets,
You are temptation in a glass. Frothy, dark Guinness nitrogenated goodness mixed with the love of my heart, bubbly, sweet champagne—oh such a magnificent goblet of decadence! Your intoxication successfully made me watch in helpless disbelief as many a’garbled and inappropriate words tumbled out of the mouth that I previously controlled.
You’re a tricksy devil Velvet, but ooo, I love you anyway.
Also, if you could work on getting “Black Velvet in my little boy’s smile….” out of my head, I’d appreciate it.
Thanks for all the fish,
The Gaelic Lush

Dear Leadership Camp Leaders,
I’m really honored that you’ve encouraged me to apply for a teaching position at your camp. I will be taking you up on that offer, expect a class proposal shortly. However, I do feel that you could have been a little more hasty in informing me of such. Especially considering you knew (though no where does it state this fact on the website) that my graduate student status makes me ineligible for the position I originally applied for. I would have appreciated a little more time to try and create a 9 week course proposal. You know, like maybe a full two weeks? That would have been grand.
Sincerely,
Mildly Irritated, Yet Fantastically Excited Potential Summer Faculty Member
Dear Body,
I know we haven’t been bff lately. I’m sorry, sometimes I get a little caught up in myself. The neglect of our partnership has badly affected both of us and I promise I will do my part to patch up our rocky relationship. I’ll I’m asking is you meet me halfway. If you would, I don’t know, maybe stop sucking? Yea, that’d be great.
Deal?
Unconditional Love and Respect Until You Start To Suck,
The Brain
Dear Girl Scouts,
Ambushing me in the cafeteria with sad puppy dog eyes and boxes of thin mints is not cool. It qualifies as a form of entrapment and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
No Love,
The Sucker Who Bought Another Box

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