The Lies We Tell

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Or at least I tell…

and the truth, behind them.

• Yes, I contacted that person for you.  Who? Dammit where’d I put that email.
• Sorry, I can’t,  I’m busy that day.  Busy=cleaning my apartment and catching up on google reader.
• Unfortunately I’ll be out of town then. By which I mean, I’ll be out of town for an hour.
• I love that lipstick on you.  Actually, I think you look kinda like a corpse, but hey, maybe that’s what you’re going for.
• Of course I don’t think not fat.  Put down the brownie. Seriously. Or shut up about being fat.
• You can do whatever you want, if you set your mind to it. Sorry kiddo, you’re not the brightest crayon in the box. Aim a little lower.
• It’s not a problem. Actually, it’s an enormous fucking problem.
• I don’t care. I do, kinda, just not enough to push the issue.
• You did such a good job on your presentation! You did ok, but who am I to blow your self-esteem?
• You called? Really? My phone never even rang! It rang. I screened the call. I silenced it. I didn’t call you back. Because I didn’t want to talk to you.
• Traffic was awful! That’s why I’m 10 minutes late…again. I woke up 1o minutes late….again.
• Sure we can still be friends. I have enough friends. And you’re an ass. *Unfriend*
•  I wish only the best for you. I hope you fall off a cliff. Or catch a venereal disease. Or fall short of every possible achievement and have to live in the shadow of my awesomeness.
• Yea, we should definitely hang out some time. I’d love that. Or I could stick a rusty spoon in my eye.
  
• It’s ok, no really, I can handle it. It’s definitely not ok. And I’m pissed I have to handle it.
• Congratulations on your marriage/engagement/baby! You’re making a huge mistake. I give it a year. And I pity your child.
• Your new boyfriend/girlfriend seems great! Really, I think it’ll last. Have you met this person? Seriously? What could you possibly see in them?!

Come on.

You know you’ve done it too.

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