Ditching the Deadlines

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If you’re an avid reader, or simply a person who has had the pleasure of knowing me in real life, you know I’m indecisive. It’s my worst trait. It’s the one thing that when prodded, my friends will admit they don’t like about me. This is cool because I wholeheartedly agree with them. I’ve used it on scholarship applications and interviews, “I’m the reason ice cream places invented the twist”. I want both, I want it all, and I don’t want to have to decide. It’s the reason I started college as a English AND Health Science major. It’s the reason I so often find myself beating my head against the wall. And when you mix my indecision with my overwhelming curiosity and wide variety of interests you get a dangerous concoction.

So, I’m trying to change that. I’ve already started. I narrowed it down. I took a good look at my multiple life lists, the things I want to do before I die, the goals I have for myself and I started crossing things out. You may have noticed that the 101 in 1001 is gone. I’ve realized I put too much pressure on myself. This is partially the reason I never keep new years resolutions. The chance of failure is too high, and the failure to meet a goal makes my self-esteem plummet in a way that few other things do. I’ve decided that Gretchen is right. I live too much of my life in an attempt to complete and tally the next item on my list. Today, I proclaim my actual goals and my ability to say, “It’s ok” if I don’t ever accomplish my multitudes of other aspirations. I started thinking about what I would really regret NOT ever accomplishing. And really, that list is quite short. I want to write a book. That’s all. Everything else is optional.

I’m working on keeping this in mind. As long as I’m healthy, happy, and one day apply enough butt glue to pound out a decent manuscript, I have succeeded. Everything else is just the frosting to my cupcake.

Now that doesn’t mean I’m going to be letting myself just exist and no longer aspire for bigger and better things for myself; nor does it mean that I’m getting the glue out today. Instead I’m focusing on letting life happen. Letting me decide when I send a surprise package, go away for a weekend, or learn to play the piano, not a silly “expiration date”.

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