Growing up my career aspirations changed frequently.
At four I wanted to be a mom and a waitress and a tightrope walker. Then I wanted to be a secretary. Then I wanted to be a teacher, but my mother talked me out of it (later a professor in college told me I’d be a terrible teacher-this sealed the deal for me and is why I REALLY can’t do anything with my English degree). Then I wanted to be chemist, obviously this is before I ever set foot in a chem lab. Then I wanted to work in newspaper. I wanted to be a journalist, an editor, maybe if I ever became pretty enough—broadcast. I loved writing, I loved my school paper, and for a good 4 years I wanted to be a journalist for the Philadelphia Inquirer.
Then I entered college with a double major in pre-optometry/English. Because my mother is a persuasive woman.
I realized that I had to drop the science degree the summer before my senior year. I was two days into Organic Chemistry II and three chapters behind. I was up to my ears in tears and double bonds. I tried to keep it together as I called my mom, but as soon as she asked me what was wrong I lost it. I sobbed. I told her about organic and how awful it was. I told her I didn’t know how I’d be able to keep my seat in my program…and how I’d ever be able to live through another four years of medically based schooling. I told her I thought I should drop the major.
And to my surprise she agreed.
I remember that night vividly. I walked into The Philosopher’s room (because we’re close like that) and told him what just happened. Then it hit me. I didn’t have a plan. I had no idea what would happen next. I was unsure about credits, unsure about graduation dates, unsure about what I’d do after I was handed my diploma.
I felt like I was floundering.
I had had a plan, some kind of plan, all of my life and now I was planless.
Of course, I was only planless for a few weeks, at the most. I’m a girl with gumption. I knew I had options, many options, and eventually I ended up where I am now.
I’m halfway through a MBA, I have pulled together most of my Ph.D. paperwork and I’m ready to apply come November. I’m living with one of my best friends, in a super-awesome apartment. I am dating a wonderful guy who makes me smile so much my face starts to hurt, makes me laugh every time I talk to him and says words like “love,” and “forever,” and “marriage,” without making me uncomfortable, and unfortunately lives 400 miles away.
And now I have more plans, more options to weigh over the next coming months. I have Big Life Altering choices to make and there’s nothing black and white about it.
But I discovered that as I evaluate my past, I have no regrets. I don’t “do” regret. Whether it be my career decisions, my relationship choices (sometimes less-than-admirable), or my everyday choices, I do not regret a single thing.
Well, I do regret not taking that helicopter ride when I was nine, but that’s it.
And I know whatever choices I make, whatever decisions come my way in the next few months, I’ll handle. I’ll make the right choice for me and I won’t regret it.
And I’ll continue to love my life.
