Trivial Pursuit, Wii and Poo December 30, 2008

The Boy and I had a lovely Christmas in Pittsburgh. We exchanged gifts (for him, a nice indestructible watch, a sweater, and seasons 1&2 of Dirty Jobs; for me, The Slanket, Sex and The City movie, Chanel Chance perfume, a Jack Vettriano calender, and a sweet in-dash gps!) and drank wine and played a lot of trivial pursuit. I love his family more every time we see them. I also met his best friend Ben, had that famous sandwich with the coleslaw and the fries (strangely delicious), and made out like a bandit at New York & Co.

Then we ventured back to my side of the state to visit my fam. My brothers received the Wii for Christmas, and my mom got a Wii Fit. I heart the Wii Fit. So does The Boy, we may get one in the future. SO MUCH FUN! We drank, played more trivial pursuit, Wii-ed a bunch, and had a grand time.

Then I went to get my car from my apartment. I opened the door to a strange smell. I thought I’d forgotten to take out the trash. Then The Boy went to use the bathroom, and discovered that sometime that morning the sewage went haywire.

The shit doth hit the…everywhere.

It was majorly gross. I just stood there saying, “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God,” until The Boy suggested I actually do something about the gross and call maintenance. Thankfully my aapartment (now dubbed “poo-partment”) has 24 hour maintenance. Things are now (two days later) semi-back to normal. There’s still funky smell. But I think that’s from the disinfectant/deodorizer. At least I hope. It may be something awful like the plague or dysentery or something.

If I drop dead from dysentery, tell them I want one of these.

Also, just an FYI, Christmas Eve was my Blogoversary! Happy One Year to ABOHO! It’s been a wonderful, wonderful adventure. I have met so many wonderful people through this little hobby o’mine and I can’t wait to see what the next year will bring.

Now I must ready myself for The Boy’s Visit: The Sequel. More action! More fun! More Wii! No more Poo!

So Happy! December 23, 2008

Today: More cookies, preparations for the holidays, last minute shopping, maybe a sighting of Sarah B.
Tonight: 3rd rifle match (undefeated so far!), The Boy shows up!
Tomorrow: Breakfast with The Boy and traveling to Pittsburgh for Christmas with his fam. Then it’s board games and wine and laughing and perhaps bowling?
Then it’s back to my house for Christmas with my folks!

Can not wait.

My only small complaint? I don’t have new pj’s this year. Sad times. There’s just something about Christmas Eve that dictates new pj’s. Especially when visiting The Boy’s family.  He thinks it’s silly but I prefer to look like I stepped out of a catalog when I’m in their company. I can not accomplish this in shorts and a t-shirt (my normal g-rated bed attire). Le sigh.

Happy Holidays!

PS- In case you missed them here’s some fiction and some poetry! Enjoy!

Christmas Flavored Domestic Goddess December 22, 2008

I’m Still Pissed About The $8.75 December 21, 2008

T’was the end of my night shift,
and all through the town,
the snow was a’blowing,
no one was around.

My papers were stacked by the desk with care,
in hope my relief soon would be there.
I longed to be home all snug in my bed,
With visions of hot shoes filling my head.

In coat and scarf I waited, head sans a cap;
Anxiously awaiting my mid morning nap.
So I dialed her phone, it made such a clatter,
I wanted to hear just what was the matter.

As soon as she showed I left like a flash,
De-iced my car and sped off in a dash.
The roads, covered in new fallen snow,
made certain the fact I’d have to drive slow.

When, what to my despise , do I hear?
But a request to stop for bagels and smear!
Because I’m a pushover and none to quick…
I decide to the trip, see, I’m no prick!

More tired than ever, to the shop I came,
I hemmed and hawed, then called them by name;
Three onion, two egg, three cinnamon raisin,
Two whole wheat, two plain, this place is amazin!

I’d finished! I’d ordered! Let’s get on the ball!
I’m ready to hit the proverbial wall!
And then the clerk, said, with out batting an eye
“Today you get four extra, free!  Your total is 8.75!”

So out to my car my short-changed ass flew,
To dig up some change, and found quarters, a few
And then, more attention to my bill I took,
That chick charged me extra, sniveling crook!

As I dutifully paid her and turned back around,
My face was contorted into a mean frown,
I drove home in a fury, my own two year old fit,
I was tired and hungry and my fuse had been lit.

My father at home, was resting his leg,
It was his order I brought (he likes the bagel of egg.)
I tried to be nice, when he welcomed me home,
But I would have preferred he just left me alone.

He left me to sleep and went into the kitchen,
And that’s when I started to unleash silent bitchin;
I heard the bag rustle, I heard the milk pour,
I angrily wished the living room had a door.

He stumbled around for what seemed like forever,
Who knew that breakfast was such an endeavor?
Then the room fell silent, I thought he was done doing,
Then to my horror I heard all the chewing!

Dear Readers bear with me, as I tell you my plight,
But come on, is this statement not all sorts of right?
Am I correct in assuming there’s nothing more gross
Than the audible mastication of folks?

As I gritted my teeth, into my pillow I weeped,
And then into my nostrils, the smell, it doth seeped.
The fragrance was that of my young brother’s matter,
He has yet to learn the art of controlling his bladder.

My night it seemed, could not end any worse.
I’m afraid that for me, winter solstice is cursed.
My father has thankfully now retired to bed,
I suppose that is where I too shall soon head.

This poem’s not perfect, but it served me well,
And If you don’t like it, I curse you to hell*
But now I’ll hit publish and dive out of sight,
Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night!
* not really, it is Christmas after all.

Recipes! December 21, 2008

So ya’ll asked and here they are, the recipes for the aforementioned baked goodies!

Rollo Candies
These are a family favorite. We buy the “snaps” pretzels, line a jelly roll pan with them, stick a rollo on top and pop it in an oven for 2-3 minutes (candy should be slightly melty). Pull the sheet out and push a cashew into the rollo. Refridgerate.
Ta-da! The perfect mix of salt and sweet.

Peanut Butter Cookies
I wanted a good recipe and I found this one at Smitten Kitchen. These were excellent, and though I didn’t use the peanut butter chips like suggested, they still turned out amazingly yummy!

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup peanut butter at room temperature (smooth is what we used, but I am pretty sure they use chunky at the bakery)
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 large egg, at room temperature
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup peanut butter chips
1/2 cup chocolate chips

For sprinkling: 1 tablespoon sugar, regular or superfine

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, the baking soda, the baking powder, and the salt. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and the peanut butter together until fluffy. Add the sugars and beat until smooth. Add the egg and mix well. Add the milk and the vanilla extract. Add the flour mixture and beat thoroughly. Stir in the peanut butter and chocolate chips. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Do not overbake. Cookies may appear to be underdone, but they are not.

Cool the cookies on the sheets for 1 minute, then remove to a rack to cool completely.

Lucky Charms Treats
Prepare like rice krispy treats, but use Lucky Charms. Duh. I also like to make rice krispy/fruity pebbles (2:1 ratio). Woo hoo sugar!

Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Cooki
These are so good! Make them now!

2/3	cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3	cup firmly packed brown sugar
2	eggs
1-1/2	cups Old Fashioned Quaker® Oats, uncooked
1-1/2	cups all-purpose flour
1	teaspoon baking soda
1/2	teaspoon salt
One	6-ounce package dried cranberries
2/3	cup white chocolate chunks or chips Heat oven to 375

	In medium bowl, beat butter and sugar with electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add eggs, mixing well. In separate bowl, combine oats, flour, baking soda and salt. Add to butter mixture in several additions, mixing well after each addition. Stir in dried cranberries and white chocolate chunks. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.
	Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Transfer to wire rack. Cool completely. Store tightly covered.

.
Rocky Road Bark
1lb semi sweet chocolate
2 cups mini marshmellow
1.5 cups pecan peices

Heat chocolate (recipe calls for a double boiler type contraption, but I just microwaved. I’m lazy.) Add marshmellows. Add pecans. Spread in jellyroll pan lined with wax paper.  Refrigerate 2 hours. Ta-da!

Happy Holiday Baking!

A Very Short Story December 20, 2008

The worst part was coming home, to the freshly painted nursery. The diapers and bottles, the crib, the toys. Coming home to the nursery that my son would never use. Not knowing what to do with the little socks and pajamas, the tiny newborn outfits. The first few days we were home my wife sat in the rocking chair in the nursery, holding the big brown teddy bear her mother gave us at the baby shower. She just sat there, for hours, not crying, not angry,…not yet. She was, like me, wondering how the universe turned inside out in one moment. How it was possible for the human emotion to flip from joy and excitement to horror and shock in a matter of milliseconds. I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling that your heart has fallen from your rib cage, that sick, hardened feeling that your life is about to completely unravel. That’s the last thing your body allows you to think rationally. That’s the cue for autopilot to take over for your heart and mind. That’s the feeling I got when the doctor looked at me. She didn’t need to say a thing. I could see it in her eyes.

The second worst part is dealing with everyone else, all of our family and friends who feel the loss in a smaller way. The people who send cards and dinners and call us with their sympathy and prayers. The people who want to show they care, but are afraid to cause more pain. Really, they know there is nothing that can soften the blow. They know we’re in shock, and that we’re not ready to believe or understand or move on. But they have to do something, otherwise it’s a big pink elephant in the middle of the room.

I never know what to say in response to “I’m so sorry about your loss”, I have to fight the urge to say “It’s ok,” because that’s what you say when someone apologizes; but it’s no one’s fault, and it’s not ok. I thought of saying, “I’m sorry too,” but that’s too morbid and depressing and then they may think I want to talk about it. And I don’t. I will one day, I think, but not right now. Right now I just want to hold my wife when she shakes at night and bring her tea that she doesn’t drink and toast that she doesn’t eat. So, I end up just saying “Thank you,” and turning away.

I’ve started watching Wheel of Fortune. The bright colors and the noise the wheel makes distracts me for a little while, until I start to wonder how the contestants can be so happy when my life is in shambles. When I start to get angry at them I turn the television off. I want to be entertained, to be able to shut my mind off and escape for a while, but everything perks my memory and I can’t escape the happiness of other people. No one tells you when it’ll end. No one tells you when you’ll start feeling like a person again. No one tells you how you can fix yourself or your wife or what to do with the nursery for the little boy whose name was already on the wall in big happy block letters.

People say it’ll be ok, and that they’re so sorry, that we’re in their prayers. People send flowers and meals and cards, letters, and poems. But what we really want can’t be given to us. We want a time table for grief. We want an answer from god. We want to know what to do with the nursery. We want our son back.

A Pre Christmas Snow Day List December 19, 2008

Since the heavens opened up and dumped a bunch of white stuff on the NEPA region I am home today! No working! (Until 11:00pm tonight, grr, why don’t hospitals close for snow?! Go home sick people!) This means I can spend the entire afternoon cleaning my apartment and baking!

I will be making:

1) Rollo Candy

2) Peanut butter cookies

3) Lucky Charm treats

4) Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Cookies

5) Rocky Road Bark

The last two are new recipes, I’ve never made them before, but if they turn out well I’ll be sending them to my lucky sweet treat recipient!

And thank you to those of you who asked about my ‘Gina, she’s doing better today.

Happy Friday!

These Cranberries Taste Like Cranberries December 18, 2008

How is it Thursday already? Jeez. It feels like Tuesday to me, probably because I’ve only been to work one day this week. Monday I traveled back from Virginny and yesterday my body decided to rebel. People, I’ve ingested more cranberry juice in the last two days than any normal person should. UTI’s make me want to die. TMI? Well, it is Thursday.

So yesterday I drank a whole bottle of Ocean Spray Cranberry-Pomegranate that I found in the trunk of my car. My trunk is like Mary Poppins carpet bag; there’s all sorts of shit in there that may become useful in dire situations. Things like matches. And a pink princess dress. And mouth wash. And a huge box of Swiss Miss. The Boy said Trunkjuice may not be a good idea, but I beg to differ. My trunkjuice served me well until about 8pm last night, when I ran out of the cranberry nectar my body adores and had to remain at the hospital and deal with stupid people for another three hours. Then there was this strange instance where both of my legs fell asleep at once, which may or may not have ended with me on the floor in a crumpled mess, moaning and doing my best “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” impression, even though I’m alone in my apartment and obviously no one would hear me…but that’s a story for another day.

Besides this unfortunate ‘Gina incident (BTW, The Boy just texted me “How’s your vagina doing?” which is probably the strangest question I’ve ever been asked via text message,) I’ve been busy with holiday preparations and diagnosing myself with strange illnesses. Thanks Mystery Diagnosis!

I have lots of baking to do, I need to send out my scarf, and baked goods and Jamie’s package, I have some odds and ends to pick up to finalize my Christmas list, I’d like to update my blogroll, and finish the Amy Tan novel I started.

Also, I need to write my resolutions, which will include Go To The Gym, Play Scrabble, and Be Nicer To The Boy, among others.

PS- Yesterday’s post scared The Boy because, “neither one of your imagined lives has room for a husband and family” and I reminded him that when I was in grade school I thought my high school years would be spent as a Sweet Valley High twin, blonde and tan, on the beaches of California. My real high school years? Much cooler. My imagined 20s are cool, but I’m sure my real twenties, will be even better.

Imagined Re-Inventions December 17, 2008

Once, when I was a senior in high school, my father made a comment about me that has permanently etched itself in my memory. He said, “Shaba never thinks she enough, she wants to be thinner, taller, have whiter teeth. She’s never satisfied.”

It’s true.

And while that period of my life was concentrated purely on improving my appearance, I still have yet to shake my desire to constantly improve myself in a myriad of different ways. Currently I wish I was about 20 pounds lighter (some habits die hard). I wish I went to the gym more. I wish I was a better blogger, with the savvy to make buttons and my own design and to maybe get into AllTop. I wish I was crafty like some of you lovely ladies, lookin at you KylaBea, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. I wish I was more organized and less easily distracted. I wish I was living with The Boy already, May seems so far away. I wish I had more time for the things I want to do. I wish I used my digital camera more. I wish I did more professional writing, sent out more poetry, drank more tea. I wish I was still reading voraciously like I was a year ago. I wish I was a morning person. I wish I made time to practice yoga again.

A lot of my wants and desires boil down to me encapsulating my two alternate personalities. Seriously, this is WAY embarrassing to admit to the Internets, but I think the time has come. You see, since, I don’t know, seventh grade? I’ve had two character sketches in my head, two characters who I always thought I’d use in some sort of fiction piece one day. Unfortunately these characters seem to be content to just hang out in their Sims-like habitat in my brain, they have very plot-less lives. They also are the two extremes of what I thought I’d be like in my 20s.

One is an classy, high rise apartment dwelling, high income single. She has a fluffy white cat, a wardrobe I’d drool over, and a demanding job. She is Samantha Jones meets Mary Tyler Moore, with daily cycling and yoga classes and nightly men who wine and dine and wear expensive cologne.

The other is a hippy chick. She lives in a basement apartment, works for a non-profit, searches through thrift stores and farmers markets and loves to be outside. She spends her evenings at poetry slams or coffee shops, and bikes around town. Her weekends are spent crafting or volunteering. There maybe a guy involved, but that’s secondary on her radar.

These two women are always what I imagine when I start to think I’m not enough. And I love them. I just need to figure out where they stop and I begin, and how I can keep them separate.

I wish I did less thinking and more doing.

I think this year may see some resolutions come January 1.

I’m also very embarrassed right now.

JCP? Major Fail. December 16, 2008

So everyone’s been talkin bout this here JCP commericial, seen here.

“It’s so funny!”

“Worth the wait! Watch til the end!”

Sure, it’s hilarious…if you like sexism.

First of all, I give the man props for wrapping a vacuum cleaner sans the box. That shit it hard to accomplish. Secondly, the dog house? Really? Where the man is punished by having to fold laundry? Is that because folding laundry is a boring chore or because it’s a “woman’s” chore? I’m not completely certain. And then there’s a review board, where three women damn this man for a longer sentence in the dog house because he agreed that a gym membership would have been a better present.

Frankly, I think a gym membership would be a great present.

And then, it’s not that the man didn’t spend enough money or that he didn’t think it would be a good gift (since he repeatedly said he thought she’d like a new vacuum,) that got him a sentence in the dog house, but that he didn’t buy jewelry.

Because jewelry, and only jewelry, shows that he cares. Ladies, didn’t you know that if your boyfriend/husband/SO buys you that digital camera you’ve been looking at, or that kitchen aid you’ve been drooling over, it’s punishable by dog house.

Dear JC. Penney,
FAIL.
No love,
Shaba
Fabulous Feminist

Want more on the annoyance of jewelry store commercials? Watch Sarah Haskins.