A year from today I’ll be married.
It seems so unreal. For the most part I’ve settled into the “I’m engaged” feeling. Two months into our engagement and the awkwardness of the phrase “my fiance” has worn off. Now it feels warm and comfortable. I’m excited to embark on this journey, to have the same feelings or weird surrealism that fades to normalcy after we’ve been married for a few months…after we’ve been homeowners for a few months…after we’ve been parents for a few months…after all the big life changing events.
Committing your life to another person’s is hard. And living my life for the past month has made that even more obvious. It’s been difficult to see my marriage role models go through one of their most challenging times. I’m still not sure how things will play out, but for right now they’re trying to work out their issues. I questioned whether this “working on things” was being done for the right reasons. I wrongfully thought that their choice to stay together and work through their problems was the easy way out; after 26 years together it just seemed like dividing now would be more work than staying through the tough times. I was told that I was wrong. That it would be way easier to leave, to wash your hands of the situation, but that’s not what you do in a marriage.
In a marriage you promise to work at it. You promise to put up with each other even when you don’t really want to. You promise to let bygones be bygones sometimes. You promise that after the arguments and the eye rolling you’ll lie down next to each other at night. It’s a promise you make, a choice you make, every day.
A year ago today I met The Boy.
Within that year I made a series of choices. A choice to answer my phone when he called. A choice to take a chance on a long distance relationship. A choice to move our relationship into a place of seriousness. A choice to move 400 miles from my friends and family. A choice to promise to marry him.
Now that we’re engaged the choices haven’t stopped. I wake up choosing him. I go to sleep, snuggled next to him, by choice every night. I choose to apologize when I hurt his feelings, even if I think he’s over reacting. I choose him. Again. And again. And again.
A year from today I’ll marry him.
I’ll choose hundreds of details in the midst of planning our wedding. Colors, food, music, clothing, photographers, invitations. Choices and choices and choices. For someone as indecisive as me, it’s already overwhelming. But I am sure that when we write our vows, “I choose you” will be included. As will “I will choose you.” Because when you stop choosing each other the relationship begins to fade into a partnership of habit and convenience. Choosing each other, every day, is what makes the difference.
A year ago today I met him.
A year from today I’ll marry him.
It’ll be the best choice I ever make.
Yeah I wish my husband felt the same way I do, that you don’t just up and leave, that you work through the tough times. Sadly he didn’t get that memo.
I just stumbled across your blog today and I’m excited for you!! We got married on our 2 year anniversary (so at one point, I was where you are now, met him a year ago, will marry him a year from today). That was 11 years ago and we’re still choosing each other every day!!
Best wishes!!
You should consider using this post for your vows!
Well written. My parents took the easy way out and walked away from each other. I hope that i am strong enough to stick around and work issues out with the one i choose.
Beautifully written. And I agree – I think you just wrote a terrific draft of your vows!!!
This is so cute it makes me a little cranky. But in a completely good way.
I ought take a picture of the tears that dropped onto my shorts while reading this. so totally needed, will be bookmarked for future reference.
I am so happy for you, that you have found this in your life.
The boy and I had the “relationships take work, are we really in this forever” conversation before we relocated to make our long distance relationship work. Remember anything worth having is worth working for, and cherish your partner.
This made my heart happy. Good luck to both of you : )
Hello
A nice read and how exciting for you! I wish you a a very happy life.
I have just joined this site and put something up but can’t see it anywhere on the site. How do you put something up for all to read? Do you minde telling me how you did it. Sorry to be so intrusive.
All the best
Netta
Truly beautiful. And I agree, an excellent start on the vows-to-be. I hope I am lucky enough to find someone that I can choose every day.
aww…. so sweet lady. im so happy for you.
I just found your blog and I LOVED this post about choosing – I’ll also be interested to read some of your past posts (I don’t know if you wrote about doing long distance?) because I just got engaged 3 weeks (4 weeks?) ago and my fiance and I did long-distance for 10 months. I know how you feel about choices – what kind of fonts for the invitations, tall vases or short vases, cylinder or square, satin sashes or organza – but I think that as long as amidst all the planning and after the big day is done, we still wake up each morning “choosing” each other, life together will continue to be sweet.