I can’t…
Say no to ice cream. Do the electric slide. Visit an aquarium without getting the heebie jeebies. Get enough of bad reality tv. Stand Mary’s voice on So You Think You Can Dance. Keep my nail polish unchipped. Call strangers on the phone without a script. Make a banana cream pie.
I can...
Shoot perfectly. Bake just about anything besides banana cream pie. Write a limerick on a whim. Drive a stick shift. Cut my own hair in a way that doesn’t look like I did. Be a real bitch at times. Sleep in an airplane. Flirt like nobody’s business. Make a decision when the time comes. Achieve my goals, no matter what they are.
I won’t…
Play along. Tolerate offensive jokes. Swim in the Amazon. Drink milk without Hershey’s syrup. Learn to like tomatoes. Sleep without facing the door. Know exactly what to say when someone’s upset. Be afraid of being alone. Miscount the number of times I’ve been in love.
I will…
Watch Grease, Clueless, and Ten Things I Hate About You every time they come on tv. Bring you more baked goods than you can possible eat. Forgive, but not forget. Always think I’m right, even when I know I’m not. Clean in a frenzy, then revert back to watching the dust bunnies collect. Tell the people I love how I feel. Yell when it’s necessary. Want expensive shoes and pretty dresses, no matter that I have no where to wear them. Seduce my fiance more often. Always treat my servers, secretaries, and other hospitality employees politely.
I shouldn’t…
Walk away during an argument. Continue to live like a hermit. Want a diet coke as much as I do (it’s an addiction, really). Worry so much about my worth as a blogger. Cyber stalk. Compare my life to someone else’s. Say “I’m Fine,” when I’m not. Live so much in my head. Get discouraged. Talk myself out of exercise so easily.
I should…
Get up before 10 am. Go for a run. Change my drivers license and legal address. Read the novels I purchased. Write more fiction. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Count my blessings twice. Devise a plan to have Oprah mentor me. Tell my fiance how awesome he is. Do more communicating and less observing. Get off the couch and complete my daily meeting with Jillian.
(Shamelessly stolen from Brandy.)
