When I’m Old Wednesday: Thursday Edition June 25, 2009

Ok, so I missed WIOW yesterday because I was busy BUYING A WEDDING GOWN. I figured you’d understand.

As the internet and my mother predicted, I bought the first one I tried on. Once I put it back on I just knew. It just felt better, you know?

I was still unsure about the whole strapless thing and had asked the saleswoman about the possibility of a jacket or a bolero or something when she suggested detachable sleeves. What? You mean I can have my sleeves and leave them too? With that alteration and a minor train-related change I have my dream dress!

Ahhhh! I’m so excited! I kinda want to keep visiting it in the store. If I wasn’t sure the saleswoman would be completely irritated I just might.

And now, for the real reason why you’re here….

When I’m old I’ll accompany my daughter/granddaughter to bridal salons, sneak in a camera, take a slew of  pictures, make suggestions, and treat us all  to soft serve for lunch.
When I’m old I want to be just like my mom*.

*Who would be absolutely devastated if I actually called her old, she’s not. At all. And she’s horrified at the Old Lady-ness of all the Mother of The Bride dresses. Any non-old lady dress suggestions? She’d prefer something not long, not beaded, not pleated and not mauve. Thanks Internets!

Confessions: Wedding Related Edition June 11, 2009

1. I don’t understand the hub-bub about Max. That’s Max Wagner for those of you not subscribed to ten plus wedding blogs like yours truly here. Sure his photos are nice, but I’m a little weirded out by the fact that they all look like they were shot in 1970. What’s with the haze?

2. Aside from the fact that I want my bouquet to include lilacs I could care less what my flowers look like. Boring.

3. I am undecided about favors. I don’t think they’re necessary, yet I have about 5 different ideas of varying expense.

4. In the same line of thinking, I half want my bridesmaids to just pick a knee length dress in a shade of purple and leave it up to them. But I also have four different dresses picked out and bookmarked.

5. Even though I love the idea of having a table full of pie and cakes instead of one big wedding cake I think fondant covered cakes are gorgeous.

6. A year ago I was reading the blogs of brides-to-be and their diet and excersize plans in confusion. Now I’m convincing The Boy to go running with me nighly and opting for salads. I am officially a cliche.

7. I love the idea of writing my own vows, but I think I’d be super embarrassed to read them in front of other people. I write on the internet. Does this sound nonsensical to anyone else?

8. The micro-manager in me wants to buy these and do all my own printing. The lazy, “no one will remember our invitations anyway” side wants to pay a little more and have it done for me.

9. I do not want cupcakes. Period. End of story.

10.  I am beyond excited to try on dresses. I’d kinda like to go to Keinfeld, but there is no way in hell I’m buying something there.
Dear Female Friends Who Want To Go With Me,
Make me an appointment. We’ll play in Manhattan, try on dresses, do lunch, and get our nails done. We’ll be those girls. It’ll be fun.
Love, Shaba

Dear Men Everywhere, February 9, 2009

When your girlfriend/lover/wife/partner is admittedly feeling like her name should be Bitchy McGee there are a few key sentences you can utter that will instantly bring her back to her Glinda the Good Witch self…

1) There’s rocky road in the freezer and (Insert Ridiculous Reality Show She Loves/Favorite Movie Ever) is all set up for you, I’ll be in (insert room far away from the one she’s in) if you need me.

2) I just won 200 dollars, I don’t really need anything though, why don’t you take it and buy those shoes you’ve been looking at?

3) You go blog, I’ll do the dishes.

annnndd finally, the one that got ME out of a funk today,

“I’m going over to the shopping district to look at diamonds.”

That’ll do it.

Shabalicious January 14, 2009

Just a Note,
I look freaking fantastic today.
It’s amazing what a skirt will do to lift your mood.

Happy Halloween From Your Friendly Neighborhood Feminist October 29, 2008

I like Halloween.
I like carving pumpkins and thinking up costume ideas. I like the Charlie Brown special.
I like little kids in funny costumes, like my brother who wanted to be a “Scary Carrot” one year.
He didn’t succeed. He was a damn cute carrot. Really, can a three year old in a carrot suit look anything but cute?
I even like candy. Especially that of a chocolate and peanut butter variety.
What I don’t enjoy is that my costume options are limited to “sexy” fill-in-the-blank or witch.
And I know it’s been said many times before, but I’ll say it again:

Halloween Is Not An Excuse To Go Out In Your Underwear.

Unless of course, you want to.

See, me, I’m all about choice.

I’ve been to a lingerie ball. I had a good time. I don’t see anything wrong with hoochin it up one day a year if that’s what rocks your socks. As long as you feel empowered, have at it.

Just remember that it’s the attention that makes you feel empowered. (Warning: WS rant ahead) See, the problem with using the “I wear make up/dress sexy/strip/etc. because I like to do it and it makes me feel empowered,” argument is the fact that we live in a patriarchal society. Perhaps you believe you are participating in these things because YOU want to, but really, when culture is screaming “SEX! BEAUTY! YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE RULES IF YOU HAVE 2 X CHROMOSOMES!” it’s hard to really be sure where our personal desires end and socialization begins.

Maybe you really DO like walking around outside in the dark in 40 degree weather dressed in overpriced slivers of low quality fabric.

Or maybe you just want to be seen as The Hot Girl for a night. Maybe you want to turn heads, because that’s what A Real Woman, in our society, is supposed to do. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve the culturally elevated status of a female. Just as there’s nothing really wrong with wanting to be the culturally elevated picture of masculinity-tough, strong, big, Superman/John Wayne/etc.

The problem is that these culture ideals exist.

/rant.

What I’m concerned about is the fact that there really doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of options for those costume friendly chicas who’d prefer their bits to be covered on fright night.

Really what comes to mind? Nun. Witch. Grandma. Bum. Umm. Well, that about covers it.

As for me, this year I’ll be spending Halloween with The Boy. There’s a possibility we’ll be attending a party. We haven’t decided what we’ll go as, but I’ve been throwing out ideas: Salt and Pepper shakers, Sonny and Cher, House and Cuddy (he wears a lab coat, walks with a cane and pops tic-tacs from a prescription bottle all night, I wear a button down and a pencil skirt and glare at him a lot), imaginary creatures (tooth fairy and Santa clause, tooth fairy and Easter bunny, tooth fairy and a decent political candidate…I just like the idea of being the tooth fairy).

But I do know that whatever we choose to do, if we go the costume route, my bits will be covered.

Because, well, I get cold.

I’ll let you know what we come up with.

Good Girl September 26, 2008

Sometimes I suck at being a girl. Other times, I do it pretty well. Most of the time my “I’m such a girl!” moments are embarrassing, at least to me. I didn’t own any pink clothing until college. I refused to call the “bag” I carried my pens in a purse (I still hate that word, btw). I would make my friends stay at our table when I took a bathroom break (Ithinkicanmanagebymyselffthankyouverymuch!). I didn’t wear a skirt or dress to school until 10th grade. I was single for four years, relatively happily. Now, as a pink wearing, purse carrying, boyfriend loving,  shoe collecting, girl…I often hear myself saying, “I’m such a girl!”
Here are the biggest reasons why.

Shoes. I’m beginning to get a reputation as a shoe girl. I’m known as “the one with the shoes” at work. I cannot leave a store without checking out their selection. I usually buy more than one pair at a time. I’m planning on buying a pair I have my eye on in the next few days. I’m a sucker for anything with a heel and a great color. I’ve actually broken my “I will never wear a wedge” promise. I love shoes, I’m not gonna lie.

Sex and The City. I am an addict. I have the entire series. And I’m definitely going to get the movie. Eventually. When I have money again. Unless you buy it for me. Hint hint. I enjoy it for multiple reasons. It’s gorgeous to watch, fashion porn if you will. I also wish I had 3 lovely lady friends who could meet me for lunch every Saturday. I see pieces of myself in each of the characters, I can honestly say I’m a mish-mash of all four. I’m creative and conetemplative like Carrie, strong willed and motivated like Miranda, a sexgoddess like Samantha, and behind closed doors…a traditionalist like Charlotte.  I love the wardrobes, the decadent living, the fact that it’s all a fantasy because life in NYC is not amazing Manhattan apartments and cocktails on a columnist salary. If Carrie was a real person she’d be eating Ramen and paying off her shoe debts. But oh, oh how I love that show.

Eating Related Issues. I am a believer that if you live in the US and have a vagina you’ve probably dealt with body image issues. Most of us have dealt with eating related issues, be it a full blown disorder with a name or the annoying ED-NOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified, fyi). Some people binge one day and fast the next. Some spend hours and hours in the gym. Some count every calorie and can tell you the exact amount of fiber in any piece of fruit. I am no exception. I’ve run the gauntlet of eating disorders, there was a summer where I only ate food on the weekends. There was a semester where I’d binge on Tuesdays, run 10 miles the next morning before bio lab and blame my wooziness on formaldehyde. There was the better part of two years where I spent a lot of time bent over a toilet bowl. I’m better now. Not completely, I won’t ever be “normal.” Having food related issues isn’t like being an alcoholic. You can’t just abstain from eating. It’s a struggle every day to find a balance, but it has gotten a lot easier.

Greeting cards and Chocolate and Wine and Lingerie. I am a Valentine’s Day marketer’s wet dream. I love it all.

My Daddy. I’m a daddy’s girl. He’s wrapped around my little finger. I try not to abuse this fact. Sometimes it’s hard.

Diamonds and Weddings and Planning Oh My! This is a recent development. I now have a folder in my computer marked, “wedding.” This is hard for me to admit. I had a strange sense of smugness about my unplanned future wedding. My friends who have had their wedding planned since they were 10? Losers! I was so much more realistic and unconcerned with something that may or may not happen. I only ever knew one thing about my wedding, I wanted lilacs, and I felt holier than thou because of it. That is, until recently. Now I’m looking at rings and reading wedding blogs ALL THE TIME. I read about Clink and cry, I read about Molly and cry. I oogle wedding photography and have even ventured into the black hole called The Knot. I an ashamed.  Mind you I’m not getting engaged anytime soon, that’s at least a year down the road. I feel very silly about all this. Very silly and very girly.
Don’t rub it in.

What makes you “such a girl?”

I’m A Bad Girl September 9, 2008

Gotchya.
I am a “bad girl” sometimes, but really I’m just really bad at being a girl. I’ve been thinking about this lately considering I recently I bought an issue of Vogue for the first time. I’m 22-years old and I just now bought my first Vogue. Don’t I fail Girl 101 somehow?

I also suck at being a girl for the following reasons….
• Purses. I just can’t get behind spending more than 20$ on an empty bag. I’m ultra picky and ultra cheap. It needs to go with jeans and work clothes, needs to have enough room to fit an average notebook, a novel, and the rest of my crap, but not as big as to qualify as a grandma sack. It needs to have preferably one strap and fit well under my arm. It needs to be sturdy enough to last at least one year.
• PINK, as in the Vicky brand of clothing, not the color. I hate the Pink line with the fire of Hades, Voldermort, Tom Cruise, and everything else that’s evil. I can’t venture onto that side of the store without feeling my DNA crinkle up in revulsion.
• Nail care. I think I’m the only girl on the planet who dislikes getting a manicure. It fucking hurts and I don’t have the patience, time, or money to sit and talk to some “technician” about the weather while she attacks my cuticles with her tiny torture tools. Also, I know that within 10 minutes of leaving I’ll chip the polish and have to scream “Fuck” real loud inside my head (because I’m a lady and F-bombs are not for children or polite company).
• Posse. As in, “my girls,” as in “a clique,” as in “constant companions,” as in “the Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha to my Carrie.” I don’t have a “group.” I have many female friends but no 3 or 4 who all hang out together like a grown up Babysitters Club meeting. This saddens me, but I’m sure saves me boatloads of drama (for which I’m thankful).
• Chick Lit. Weiner. Anything with a pink cover or a witty title about marriage/children/dating/etc. I instantly blacklist anything with scripty pink lettering or silhouetted tiny dogs staring back at me. I just can’t do it. I can’t spend money on books about the dating scene when I can listen to my friends for free.
• Period Pain. Men cover your eyes, women brace yourselves. I don’t have any symptoms. I might have one cramp, but it’ll last for about an hour–less if I eat a yogurt. The rest of the time I may be a bit more emotional than normal, but for the most part I’m just inconvenienced by the whole “I have to remember to pack tampons” thing. Don’t hate me.
• Mamma-drama. A lot of women I know have had issues, at least at some point, with their mothers. They might love their mom 90% of the time and argue with her 10%, or maybe those numbers are reversed, but women typically have issues with their moms. Some women say “My mom’s my best friend, but she can drive me crazy at times.” I’m not one of those women. My mom is my best friend, and I don’t think we’ve ever shared so much as an unkind word. And she’s definitely never really made me crazy, though sometimes she says things that make me want to scream HOWDIDYOUTHINKTHATWOULDBEAGOODTHINGSTOSAY!! for example, “You’re going to end up with The Philosopher no matter who you’re dating right now!” But really, she’s amazing, she’s my biggest fan, and she’s who I want to be one day.
• Dating asshole men. I haven’t. All my ex’s have been great guys (at least 75% of the time…there’s a reason I’m not still with them obviously). I’m a man-eater, what can I say.
• Titanic. I hated it. This broke some cardinal girl rule during middle school. Also I didn’t find Leo attractive. I was ostracized from my YM/Seventeen-reading group shortly after admitting this, refusing to match my nail polish to my outfit probably aided in my middle school demise.
• Makeup. I wear it only on occasion. And I don’t really care about make up that much. Apparantly I don’t really need to wear it, which pisses other women off. Case in point: A woman with a bad rash stopped to talk to me on her way out of the ER. She was worried that she wouldn’t be able to wear her makeup for a week. She asked me something about how I’d feel about not wearing makeup for that long and I mistakenly told her that I wasn’t currently wearing any and that I typically go for the au natural look. People, if looks could kill I would have been diced by the daggers in that woman’s eyes! Don’t get me wrong I can spend some time (and money) in Sephora, but it’s not a necessity. Mmmmmm Sephora.
Seriously I know these things are just “doing gender,” don’t revoke my feminist card….it’s just fun to think about.

How do you defy gender roles?

(Coming soon to a screen near you…The I’m Such A Girl post.)

It’s Wonderbra! (May not be SFW) September 4, 2008

If you were ever to meet me in real life, you’d probably notice two things right away. #1) I’m tall, and #2) I tend to use a lot of “made up” words in conversation.

I put “made up” in quotes because the words aren’t necessarily made up, but rather real words that I use in unconventional ways. Like, say, the word “Wonderbra.”

To most, it’s a lingerie brand. To me, most of the time, it’s a synonym for wonderful. Half because it’s close to the German “wunderbar,” meaning wonderful, and half because Wonderbra IS wonderful. Seriously. Love them.

So imagine my reaction when Wonderbra contacted me to spread the word about their new line “Wonderbra by Dita Von Teese.”

!!!!!!!! is about right.

Dita is awesome. I think Burlesque is an art form, the sexiest art form, and no one does it better than Dita. I’d love to see her perform live, but sadly I’ve not yet had the chance.

But back to the line.

You can bet that her collection will feature glamour and vintage flavor, and 1940’s intricate styling. I’m super excited, I’ve always wanted to be pin-up girl and if nothing else the Dita Von Teese line will at least help me play the role.

The line is launching in Europe on the 23rd of September and brings classic pin-up imagery and retro style to the Wonderbra brand with three ranges of lingerie. I think what I love the most about the line is Dita’s philosophy behind it,  “Lingerie shouldn’t be something you just put on for your lover; you should do it for you. It’s not about seducing men, it’s about embracing womanhood.” I couldn’t agree more, Dita.

You can find out more about the Dita Von Teese line at www.sexysciencebydita.com, and while you’re there you can sign up to win a trip for two to Paris to see Dita perform her burlesque show!

The details about the line are being kept under wraps, but I’ll be here to keep you up to date as more and more information is released…I may even get to do a review of the product itself!

For now though, I’ll leave you with a bit of a “Teeser,” a sneak preview of “The Science of Sexy.”  Enjoy!

There’s Always Room For Jello Shots August 26, 2008

I have two roommates.
They are both female.

This is a big deal for me. I’ve never lived with girls before. Growing up I was the only girl in the house besides my mom, and my mom, well she’s the biggest tomboy I know.
In college I lived either alone or with Zach, which was wonderful in so many ways, but a male roommate just can’t fully commiserate when you’re bitching about bloating.

Since AlexMac, MRose and myself decided we’d move in together last year, I’ve been counting down the moments to my imaginary non-stop slumber party. “Girls! Girl roommates! Think of the pajama parties and the nail polish and the girl talk!”

And I knew that reality would soon pop my big pink Bonnebell bubble. I knew it wouldn’t always be a happy estrogen filled fun-fest.

But the past few weeks have been full of crazy not-so-surprising surprises.

The biggest one being that as of a post-it note message from MRose.  AlexMac and I will basically be the only ones in our apartment the majority of the time. MRose has some personal non-bloggable issues at the moment, and AlexMac and I understand her predicament. We’ll miss her and it sucks that we’re down to two, but it’s how things are at the moment.

To cheer ourselves up, AlexMac and I made jello shots.
I followed the instructions and substituted vodka for the cold water. Now my experience with jello shots is minimal. I think I’ve had maybe 10 ever.  But I do remember that the jello should almost mask the taste of the alcohol, and well, I think a lot of the hot water boiled off, because damn. Those things were strong.

But we consumed them all anyway, giggling at ourselves slurping jello out of Dixie cups.
And we talked and laughed and paged through Vogue.

Because it was just that kinda night.

Can You Feel My Pain? June 20, 2008

#1: I should so totally be here right now….

because I wrote the damn grant proposal to fund the trip, I would have had all sorts of networking opportunities, Zach informed me there’s a panel specifically discussing Women’s Studies graduate work, and Jessica Valenti from Feministing.com is rocking out a panel on Saturday.

But I’m not there because I have fucking midterms and presentations all weekend. Sucks. Major. Balls

#2 I wore a brand new pair of shoes today and within 2 hours broke off the heel. Seriously. Not cool