Pot Stashed In Strollers, Beer Pong, and Women Trying To Steal My Fiance November 2, 2009

That was, in short, my Halloween night.

Let’s start at the beginning. In the last few months The Boy and I have made decent friends out of our across the street neighbors and the neighbors behind them. This week they informed us that another couple in the neighborhood was throwing a Halloween party and that we should all check it out. So, late Saturday night The Boy and I, dressed as ourselves at prom, and our neighbor friends, dressed as themselves from the day before, trot across a few lawns and arrive at a garage party the policed department could only dream of.

The hostess of the party was very nice and offered us some jello shots and burgers that we graciously turned down due to our fear of dysentery and strange meat products. She spent a good portion of the night bouncing someone else’s squishy baby on her lap. We later found out that the parents of the squishy baby were two class act inviduals who not only partook in some illegal substances but were actually the providers of said herbs. The baby daddy popped open the little compartment on the top of the stroller and took out a bag of weed and a bong. I remember distinctly tugging on The Boy’s arm and making him watch as this 19 year old father of an 8 month old carefully resealed his bag and put his drugs back into his son’s stroller. Evening thinking about it now, I have no words. !!!?@#? is all that comes to mind.

Anycrazypeoplespawning, The Boy and I took on a pair of women in Beer Pong, where I did exceptionally well and could have won us the game if FianceFace could have sunk a ball in a damn cup. Competitive much? In all honesty he did well, especially considering he was about five drinks ahead of me. I just did better than expected, I am notoriously bad at beer pong. However, our best was not good enough and we had to ensue teasing and smack talk from the women who won.

One of these women came up and started chatting with us a little later, and after learning that my future husband is A) smart, B) employed C) a high wage earner and D) has good taste in jewelry informed me that if she wanted my man, she could have him.  To which I giggled nervously because I’m a sheltered white girl and I had no idea what remarks would be appropriate and what would get my ass beaten by a 5′3 black girl. Later that night she started dancing up on me and mentioned that her boobs were better than mine, to which I take offense because though I know the rest of me needs some work, my girls are PERFECT.  And her’s were rather floppy.

And according to my fiance I had “the best butt at the party.”

Which, of course, means I win. Take that homegirl.

How was your Halloween lovers?

Wedding Do’s and Don’t September 10, 2009

I’ve decided after reading Katelin blog post today about her wedding do’s (and her previous wedding don’ts) this gloomy Thursday could do with a little wedding talk.

I had intended on writing a post about my new job and my new coworker who nonchalantly told me she met her lawyer boyfriend at her night job as an exotic dancer. But then I realized it’d probably be pretty boring because “OMG I WORK WITH A STRIPPER AND I’M INTRIGUED AND WANT TO INTERVIEW HER ABOUT FEMINISM AND HER LAWYER BOYFRIEND AND I’VE LIVED A SHELTERED LIFE WHERE “NIGHT JOB” IMPLIES  “JANITOR”  SO THIS IS A BIGGER DEAL TO ME THAN IT PROBABLY IS TO ANYONE ELSE” is about all I have to say about it.

While we’re on the topic of Janitors (go with it) The Boy and I watched “Glee” last night along with the rest of the internet and guess what? It wasn’t even my idea. I was resigned to watching the results show of Tuesday’s Worst Ever Semi Final  America’s Got Talent episode when The Boy flipped on Glee and suggested we watch. He’s full of surprises.

Anywho, my wedding dos and don’ts:

Do’s

• A Decent Photographer- This was my one big condition. I wanted a photographer who would give me exactly what I wanted for a reasonable amount. I could have easily, easily spent upwards of 5,000 on our wedding photography and done so happily because the photographic proof is that important to me. I feel like after the photos are our only real “souvenirs” of the day. They’re something we’ll have forever and even though I’ve heard couples say they don’t even look at their photos years later, I know I will have them up all over our house.  I think I hit the jackpot with our photographer who came highly recommended, gave me everything I wanted, and still costs a fraction of what the majority are charging.
• Good Food- This is for everyone else. People remember very little about the details of a wedding. I went to three weddings over the course of a year and I still categorize them by food. If the food is really good, the guests will be happy. We’re having carving stations, pasta, potatoes,  ice cream and pie. I expect people will be happy.
• People- One of the things that makes me happy about our wedding is that everyone on our guest list is someone we really hope to see attend. Keeping our guest list to approximately 100 people makes it possible for us to be a little discriminating but still have everyone we really want there in attendance. And, our wedding party will be awesome. I am so, so happy we decided to stick to our guns and go with 5 each. I can’t imagine a better group.
• Outsourcing as much as possible-Our wedding will be inexpensive as far as weddings go. I’m guestimating we’ll be well under $10,000 thanks to our budget savvy ways. Utilizing the skills and talents and generosity of our friends and family on things such as music, flowers, cinematography, invitations and favors allows people special to us to be involved in our day and keeps our costs and stressors low.
• Photobooths- Everyone likes them. It’s a fact. I want to have one at our wedding but whether it’s a DIY job or a real booth will depend on how much moola we feel like parting with closer to our wedding date.

Don’ts

• Obnoxious dj’s. Outside of bad food I think this is the area where any party has the most possible to go down hill fast. If the DJ sucks you’ll know about it, and often you’ll know about it too late. I don’t want to do the chicken dance, thank you very much. Nor do I want to do anything with “Slide” in the title.  Doing our own music makes sure this doesn’t happen.
• Outrageously expensive paper products. I love the look of letter press. It’s very pretty and very nice to feel and also very expensive. Spending two grand on invitations that everyone will throw away after our wedding? No, thank you.  To me, to us,  and for our budget that just doesn’t make sense.
• Ugly bridesmaids dresses. I don’t really understand the idea behind picking bridesmaid dresses for your maids. I’m not a stylist. I don’t know what you look good in. I don’t know what you feel comfortable in. And for a bridesmaid I think those are the two most important factors -looking good and being comfortable.

Happy Thursday!

Bridesmaid Cards and A Job Related Update August 6, 2009

I’d just like to say, I have great friends.

Yesterday, in the mail, I received two cards from two of my best girls.

They were accepting my “Will You Be My Bridesmaids” cards.

I made each one a little different, and mailed them out a week or so ago with the “Go Choose A Dress” paint samples. Soon after I got an excited phone call from one, and days later the above cards from two others. I’m getting so excited! I know it’s months and months away, but each little task I check off my list brings me closer to June.  Catering is still proving to be a bitch, but I’m hopeful that I’ll get that taken care of this weekend while I whine to The Boy about it while we drive back to PA to see my family on Saturday and attend his cousin’s bridal shower on Sunday.

Changing gears a little bit, let me tell you all about where I am in The Great Job Hunt of 2009. I’m officially employed part time at a dinky little job that is menial and mind numbing but lets me play with the scan guns and price stickers. I’m also awaiting an offer from a higher paying part time job working with people I clicked with right off the bat. Finally, I dropped off a stack of paperwork to a local private school and will be entered into their substitute pool (apparently) provided my background check comes back clean. I thought I was applying for a full time position, and there’s a slight chance I could be called for an interview for that as well, but I’m not holding my breath.

Now it’s back to laundry and my daily 30 day shred.

Check tomorrow for our first Proposal Project submission!

Confessions: Wedding Related Edition June 11, 2009

1. I don’t understand the hub-bub about Max. That’s Max Wagner for those of you not subscribed to ten plus wedding blogs like yours truly here. Sure his photos are nice, but I’m a little weirded out by the fact that they all look like they were shot in 1970. What’s with the haze?

2. Aside from the fact that I want my bouquet to include lilacs I could care less what my flowers look like. Boring.

3. I am undecided about favors. I don’t think they’re necessary, yet I have about 5 different ideas of varying expense.

4. In the same line of thinking, I half want my bridesmaids to just pick a knee length dress in a shade of purple and leave it up to them. But I also have four different dresses picked out and bookmarked.

5. Even though I love the idea of having a table full of pie and cakes instead of one big wedding cake I think fondant covered cakes are gorgeous.

6. A year ago I was reading the blogs of brides-to-be and their diet and excersize plans in confusion. Now I’m convincing The Boy to go running with me nighly and opting for salads. I am officially a cliche.

7. I love the idea of writing my own vows, but I think I’d be super embarrassed to read them in front of other people. I write on the internet. Does this sound nonsensical to anyone else?

8. The micro-manager in me wants to buy these and do all my own printing. The lazy, “no one will remember our invitations anyway” side wants to pay a little more and have it done for me.

9. I do not want cupcakes. Period. End of story.

10.  I am beyond excited to try on dresses. I’d kinda like to go to Keinfeld, but there is no way in hell I’m buying something there.
Dear Female Friends Who Want To Go With Me,
Make me an appointment. We’ll play in Manhattan, try on dresses, do lunch, and get our nails done. We’ll be those girls. It’ll be fun.
Love, Shaba

Letter Series: Thursday Edition May 14, 2009

Dear Universe,
Hi. We’re friends, right? I mean, for the past few months I’ve been getting lovely little “Notes” from you in my inbox every morning and you tell me I’m pretty and “awesome” and that closing doors will open windows and what not. Well, Universe, how about letting me look in the mirror without cringing and unlocking some damn doors? You’re all talk, Universe. I dig down into myself to try and put as much belief into you as I can muster. I try and let your truth and light wash over me like a wave and accept that I am in control of my own destiny. I try to envision that my chakras are purple and my aura just needs to be  a little more glowy and I’ll have the life I’ve always imagined. Well, Universe? I’m a rainbow of glowy gorgeousness and yet, I still don’t have a JOB. Food costs money, Universe. Some of us can’t survive on happy thoughts and unicorns alone. Though I’m sure unicorns taste AMAZING.
Waiting for the door to open,
Going On Two Weeks Without A Job*

Dear Jillian Michaels,
Thank you for making me feel productive on the days I’ve done nothing but scour the interweb for jobs and washed dishes. Without you my life would be eerily similar to that of a 1950’s housewife. I actually caught myself pacing in the living room awaiting The Boy’s arrival yesterday; wearing a trail in the floor between the window and the stove, because, yes, dinner was done and I was waiting on him. Add pearls, heels, and a few house plants and you’d have June Cleaver in the flesh. But Jillian, you give me 20 minutes where I feel kickass (or where I have my ass kicked, both are correct) and endorphins to last me through the afternoon. For that I commend you. Now, if you could just talk to my brain and remind it that fries and ice cream are not food groups my body would be bangin’.
See you at 3:30, as usual,
Shaba

Dear Yard,
I will make you grow pretty flowers and vegetables if it kills me. My black thumb will be green, dammit.
Love,
The Crazy Lady With The Rake

Dear Bloggy Friends,
You should email me. And send me your facebook info. So we can be real life friends.
You should also move to Southern Virginia so we can hang out.
And you should find me the perfect job.
The Perfect Job includes the following: Writing, never having to call anyone ever, copious amounts of wine drinking, cookies, social media, shoes, and a five figure salary. We’ll work together and laugh and laugh and drink wine and laugh and take many a’pictures of ourselves to post on our blogs and make everyone jealous and laugh some more. It’ll be good times.

Ready?
Go.

Love,
Shaba

*I have two interviews to be scheduled so it’s not completely disheartening yet, but I want offers, dammit.

Looking For A Few Good Blogs April 6, 2009

Hey ya’ll. [See what I did there? I’m practicing for living on the other side of the Mason-Dixson line]

I’m on a mission.

I’m looking for a few good blogs to add to my reader. What are the blogs you read as soon as they pop up in your reader? What are the blogs you save til the end, to savor them like a Tandy Kake? (Tasty-Kake anyone? Yummm)

Which bloggers do you feel like you know personally because their blogs are just THAT good?

Leave ‘em in the comments!

Thanks kids!

You’re Killing Me, Smalls March 26, 2009

The Boy is planning.

Planning a proposal.

My roommate AlexMac, my best friend Sexperfection, and my parents have all sent me me “We know! We know and you don’t! Ha ha ha!” messages.

Not fair.

But still really freaking exciting! I’m on edge and will be until It Actually Happens. I’m going down to see him this weekend, and I’m sure I’ll be wondering the entire time, will it happen now? How about now? Will he wait and try and throw me off? AHHHH! This whole knowing but not really knowing is frustrating. As is knowing, for the most part, what my ring looks like; but never having actually seen the thing.

Luckily, I’ve been too busy lately to really contemplate it all or your readers would have surely been filled with posts entitled, “OMG YOU GUYS!” “He got it appraised today!”, “To Manicure or Not to Manicure,” “I Think It May Include Some Traveling!” and “Is It Sad That I’ve Already Made Up A Save-The-Date Rhyme?”

Oh yes. I am that girl.

It’s really exciting, this place I’m in right now. And though I know that all the responses I’ll receive (and have received already) aren’t as joyful and well-wishing as I always imagined; I am happy. I am freaking elated. And I know there will be jealousy, and negative Nancy’s and I can understand it. Sometimes seeing a friend get the thing you want most is hard to swallow. Sometimes it’s hard to be happy for someone else, I get that. I’ve been there, believe me. But I’m not going to apologize for this place I’m in. This place of rainbows and twilight and gummy bears and emotions I’ve previously only imagined. I’m not going to stifle my excitement or tone down my joy for any reason. It’s not fair.

I plan on only doing this once.

And I’m damn sure going to enjoy every single second.

And you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be blogging about it.
In detail.

Get ready kids, the best is just beginning.

Good Better Best February 9, 2009

Good: Needing additional chairs for the Vagina Monologues

Better:Moaning on stage to thunderous applause

Best: Hearing some gal confuse the WASP moan with the mosquito moan.

Good: Fake orgasms

Better: Real orgasms

Best: Multiple real orgasms

Good: Hanging out with LC after Monologues

Better: Hanging out with LC, her boy toy, The Boy and beer.

Best: Doing it all while watching Bill and Ted and eating popcorn.

Good: Boys with curly hair.

Better: Boys with curly hair in button downs.

Best: Boys with curly hair in button downs and sweaters. Dashing.

Good: Falling asleep on his chest

Better: Falling asleep holding hands.

Best: Knowing that we’ll get to fall asleep like that every night come May.

Good: Avenue Q on a Sunday afternoon.

Better: Being the last riders of the Chocolate World Ride.

Best: Finishing the day with an Oreo Sundae.

Good: Valentines Day plans in D.C.

Better: Valentines Day plans in D.C. at this hotel.

Best: Only having 5 days to wait for said plans to materialize…and getting to see The Boy again.

PS-Good Better Best always makes me think of the little diddy, “Good,  better,  best.  Never let it rest, until your good is better and your better best!

Make Me Laugh, Win a Prize! January 28, 2009

There is a mouse under my bed. AlexMac has named him Sneaky Little Bastard. The Boy has told me that if he wanted to, SLB could indeed join me in bed. Up until that point I was convinced he was floor bound. Sometimes The Boy is not so nice.

I fell on the ice today. I wiped out completely and was granted a nice black and blue ouchy that will make any pretty footwear choices a Very Bad Idea.

I spent hours today working on an outline for my MBA thesis. Hours, people. On an outline. My thesis topic is rather interesting and may involve actual primary research, unfortunately my professor thinks that some other dude’s paper  on Comparing and Contrasting different theories is a top rate piece of graduate level writing. Comparing and contrasting. My English professors would have laughed me out of the room. Can you tell I’m so over this semester? I’m also over 40 page single-spaced papers.

And today started off so well. I was on time (my normal 20 minutes late, but whatev,) I ate semi-healthily. I did work instead of reading blogs. Then the Universe decides that WHAM, 40 page paper outline of death, icey incident, and Sneaky Little Bastard.  At least I have new glasses.

Glass half-full.

Our heroine rocks out the new specs.

Oh, right, then there’s that little contest I promised you.

People, this is the last time I announce a contest before I actually have an idea of what I’m going to do. Not such a good idea. It took me for-frickin-ever to decide that I’m gonna have you attempt to caption a picture that I snapped this weekend.

Here are the rules:

1) Caption the following picture. The one that makes me laugh the hardest wins. No pressure.

2) The winner, (and there will be a winner and a reason for that winner and feelings will be hurt and some of you might cry, but you’re all big boys and girls and, well, better luck next time, what do you think this is, soccer?) will get a prize from Etsy. Yup. A prize. A prize I will pick especially for the winner. Fancy!

Alrighty, everyone clear?

Here’s your picture…get a’captioning!

Insert Your Witty Caption Here

Brown shirt is The Boy, Blue Shirt Man is his roommate, Chase. We were all a little tipsy.

And So Begins Another Odd Year January 2, 2009

Odd years and I are not BFF. My lovely cousin-in-law has a saying, “There are years that ask questions and years that give answers,” and it seems to be that odd years have a way of asking me questions. Questions like, What colleges should I apply to? (2003) What boy should I pick to date? (2003) Will I ever find my place here (2005)? Should I keep my double major? (2005) Oh my god, I’m graduating in three months and I don’t have a plan?! (2007) Odd years tend to be when I make Big Life Changing Decisions. This year will be no different. Looming the background of my otherwise sparkly spring/summer (graduation! shacking up with The Boy! A trip to Europe!), are many annoying odd year inspired questions. Will I get into to grad school? If I do, will I go? If I don’t go, what will I do? Will I be able to find a job in a sucky economy? Will I be happy living far from everyone I know (sans The Boy)? Should I redye my hair? What kind of new fancy phone should I get? See?! Big Life Changing Decisions!

My only solace is that this is also the year of my 22nd go around the planet. Which, as we know, I always imagined to be The Best Year Ever. So far, it hasn’t let me down. Of course, I could have done without the poo. And the beast of a breakup. But I found a love I believe will last, and had some fantastic adventures with a wonderful man. I had a birthday I will never forget thanks to my very best friend. I moved in with the beautiful AlexMac. I did well in my classes, and even survived the awful statistics course. I reviewed a book, I ran 9 miles on a whim and a prayer, and I’m still here. Ready to tackle whatever question Oh-Nine sends my way.

Bring it, Oh Nine, bring it.

Just, no more poo, kay?